NICK GRIFFIN.NET COMIC, STANDUP, THE LATE SHOW, LATENIGHT

NICK'S BLOG

Kurt Vonnegut Required Reading AUG 10 2011

At Millennium's End
new essays on the work of Kurt Vonnegut edited by Kevin A Boon

Forward by Kurt Vonnegut

    I sometimes say in lectures that I suffer from "survivor's syndrome," but not because of the Battle of the Bulge or the firebombing of Dresden in World War II, man-made calamities during or after which I saw more corpses than you can shake a stick at. A young woman complained to me after my lecture about that war, evidently feeling incomplete, that she had never seen a dead person. I made a joke. I said to her, "Be patient."
    I do feel lousy, however, about the many passionate and gifted artists I know or knew, writers, painters and composers, dancers and comedians, actors and actresses, singers and cartoonists, who died or are dying in obscurity, more often than not in poverty. To quote the humorist Kim Hubbard: "Its no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be." Audiences failed these friends and acquaintances of mine. Audiences were to barbarous and inattentive to realize how good they were and reward them with sustained applause and a living wage.
    I am reminded of a cartoon of long ago which depicted war as a rouged, warty old whore. She says to a youth about seventeen years old, "Hello sonny. I knew your Dad." She could represent the arts instead of war, and the cartoon would make just as much sense to a lot of people. The creation of works of art that a sizeable audience may appreciate and even pay for isn't all that different from an attack by either side in World War I, in which thousands of brave, good-hearted young people left their trenches at dawn, and practically everybody wound up draped over barbwire, or drowning face down in water at the bottom of a shellhole.
    Again: I suffer from "survivor's syndrome."
    Anyone who survives a human wave attack against such daunting odds, whether in war or the arts, does so because of dumb luck. Agility and courage and character, or whatever, have nothing to do with how it all turns out. Gifted artists have to be what they are, have to do what they do the way they do it. Whether they earn a living and fame thereby is a matter of happening by chance upon breaks in the barbwire, unswept by machinegun fire.
    So to speak.
    Mark Twain, a better writer and human being than I am, marveled, when an old man like me, at the durability of his works' popularity. He thought this might be due to his willingness to moralize. It was lucky for him that moralizing paid off so handsomely. In any case, Mark Twain was simply born to moralize.

    I think I was too. When I look back at my incredibly lucky career as a writer, it seems that there was never time to think. It was a though I was skiing down a steep and hazardous mountain slope. When I look back at the marks my skis made in the snow on the way down, I only now realize that I wrote again and again about people who behaved decently in an indecent society.
    I recieved a letter from a sappy woman a while back. She knew I was sappy, too, which is to say a New Deal Democrat. She was pregnant. She wanted to know if it was a bad thing to bring an innocent little baby into a world as awful as this one is. I replied that what made living almost worthwhile for me were the saints I met. They could be anywhere. They were people who behaved decently in an indecent society.
   Perhaps, you, dear reader, are or will become a saint for her child to meet.
   I thank you for your attention.

Kurt Vonnegut (Jr.) November 11, 1998

posted by Nick

Over And Over And Over And Over Nov 2 2010

I've been in a lot of hotel rooms the last few months.
No I'm not hooking again.
Just lots of stand up, which is like whoring without the shame and regret.
Oh wait. It's exactly like whoring.
Ha Ha.
See I can be funny in print too.
Sometimes I think I want to work less, then I take a week off and I remember have no other skills, hobbies or friends.
That's not totally true.
I have a few skills.
I can recommend a good book and/or horror movie.
Thumbs Up.

I can name a lot of boxers from the eighties and nineties.
Matthew Saad Muhammad, Donald "The Cobra" Curry, Renaldo Snipes,
Salvador Sanchez, Freddie and Pepper Roach.
This is one of my all-time favorites, Marvelous Marvin Hagler.

I've been listening to the Ramones a lot.
Over and over and over and over.
I watched the documentary on them called End of the Century five times last month.
Their music is so simple and yet so wholly unique and so fucking American.
"Hey, Ho. Let's go!"

I want to be as good as the Ramones, and as relentless as Marvin Hagler and as thrilling as Jeepers Creepers.
Now that would be something.
I don't know how Jeepers Creepers was made.
But I know Mr. Hagler trained his ass off for months at a time and the Ramones toured non stop for years and years and Stephen King wrote and wrote.
Guess I better go sit in some more hotel rooms.
See you on the road.
Nick

A Long Time Coming!
August 18 2010

I know it's been a while since I wrote anything.
And no one feels worse about it than me.
The last few months have been super slow though.
Mostly just running around NYC doing sets.
Which is good because I get to sleep in my own bed,
but bad because I make very little money.
And I need money to buy my pills and coffee.
I take a lot of both.

But I had a "special" gig Tuesday night.
The Comedy Cellar snagged about twenty comics, tossed them on a boat with a couple hundred people and we told jokes while circling Manhattan.
Besides almost yacking it was a blast.
You want proof.
Here is me with some of the other performers.
I think I almost smile in one of the pics.

with William Stephenson and Mike Vecchione

with Mike DeStefano

with John Joseph

with Pat Dixon on my right, James Smith on my left

How have things been going ...You ask?
April 26 2010

How have things been going? Check the above photo.

Like a horse dropped a world class load on my bed every day for two months straight.

Work has suddenly slowed to a crawl.
I am doing lots of sets here in NYC, but not on the road
which means I have very little money.

I sometimes confuse money with hope.

So I have been a little down in the dumps.

The good news is that I am scheduled to do
The Late Show with David Letterman on May 7th.

You should watch.
Knowing that people like my work makes getting out of bed bearable.

Don't get me wrong.
It still takes hours for me to do it.
But once I am out, I am a firecracker.

Your son,
Nick

Lake Tahoe October 2009
Oct 15 2009

I was in Lake Tahoe last week working at the Improv.
It was nice.
Here is a picture of me with good friend and fellow comic Howie Nave, along with Tom Simmons, another funny guy.

New Craig Ferguson Taping.
Oct 14 2009

I taped the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson last week.
I think it went well.
No one yelled at me afterwards or kicked me in the wiener.
So that's a good sign.

It will air in the coming weeks.

I appeared with Viola Davis, Oscar nominated actress from the movie Doubt and Michael Sheen another actor.
He was in Frost/Nixon and The Queen.
He seemed very cool, meaning he didn't tell me to shove it when I asked him to take a picture with me.

Here are some pictures....Backstage Pics

Gotham, Virginia, Carrotcake.
Aug 17 2009

Things have been okay lately, which is huge for me, because i always expect the worst.
I've been working a lot.
My week at Gotham Comedy Club in nyc (GothamComedyClub.com)
was a blast!

After that i went to the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach.
The last night there i treated myself to some carrot cake at the cheesecake factory.

i must've looked like a retarded grown up sitting there at the bar at midnight between whiskey drinkers, with my cake and coffee.
All that was missing was my placemat and crayons.

Here is what i've been reading now:

Replay by Ken Grimwood. l The Fog by James Herbert.

For those of you who came out to see me perform, i thank you.
For those of you who came out to see me perform and bought my cd, i thank you even more.
For those of you who did not, i understand. life is exhausting.
But they were good shows.
You would've enjoyed yourself. i swear.

best,
Nick

Better!
July 25 2009

i don't know what i do with things.
i lose shit all the time.
probably five ipods by now.
another one last week.

maybe i should try to go without one.
maybe i should just pay attention to the moment that i am in.

its hard though, because no one else is.
people are either listening to music or talking on their phone or reading some text message they just received.
no one wants to be in the present.

i understand.
we are all under the illusion that the next moment is going to be better than the last.
no matter how great this moment is, it has to get better.

better.

i appeared on the late show with David Letterman this week.
that was fun.

i had a water in the green room.
i shared an elevator with Paul Schaefer.
i laughed with the hair and makeup people.
i had my picture taken with the folk singer Judy Collins.

photo by Jeff Fasano

i heard the band laughing during my set.
Biff Henderson shook my hand.
i went out to dinner with friends after.

better.

Literacy and Vindication!
July 1 2009

The way i talk you would think the only things i do are write, perform,
sit with my face in my hands and masturbate.

That is not completely accurate.

Sometimes i read books.

Here is proof:

That is my my hand pointing at my bookshelf.

And, yes, that is the buffy the vampire slayer boxed set.

And the answer to your other question is, no, i am not.

Here are the two books i'm reading now:

So shove it!

nick

Sleep Well
Feb 24 2009

In the last forty eight hours I slept on a couch, in a cab, in the airport, on a plane, in a hotel room, in a dressing room and in my bed.

I never sleep well in my apartment. I think it has something to do with my pillows. They are filled with anxiety and regret. Of course I found them in a trash can at the Port Authority. So lesson learned.

Lots of people in New York City have a hard time sleeping. Oddly enough these guys are not among them:

This man dozes peacefully even though he is being attacked by his own coat.

This man tipped over while sleeping, because his brain is full of stuff that shouldn't be there. The same goes for his underpants.

This man is exhausted from shopping. Eat your heart out, Carrie Bradshaw.

Big Plans
Jan 18 2009

Hello, people of the United States and a couple less silly countries,

A new year has begun.
You can smell it in the air.
Kind of fresh, kind of shitty.

I have some big plans this year.
First and foremost I am committed to spending less time in the fetal position.
A half hour a day, tops... not counting after sex.

Also, after reviewing my past blog posts, it has come to my attention that I can be a tad negative.
Is this hindering my success? Who's to say.

Sure. There are loads of optimistic people who have found great material wealth and an abundance of erotic pleasantries.
But let's not forget the pessimistic people who have prospered too.

Satan. Satan. Satan.
I know, God kicked Satan's ass in the very first WrestleMania many many years ago.
However it says a lot about Damien's dadda that he was able to move on from that humiliation.

He has his own place now, his own "business", which is jamming a pitchfork up people's asses. By the way, if you screw up in hell what's your punishment? That's right. you become a producer on The View.

Plus, the Dark Lord is a bachelor.
Which means he is getting tons of tail.
Imagine how liberated the women in hell are.
It's like Girls Gone Wild but dirtier.

Somebody told me that the ultra-famous Dane Cook gives encouraging words and advice to his fans via his website.
Good idea.

Here goes:

To all my fans out there,
I advise you to ignore any advice Dane Cook might give you, unless it has to do with hair product or situps.

Below is Kurt Vonnegut.
He offers no advice but some interesting insights.

Nothing
Oct 22 2008

For those of you interested in what is going on with me, I have this to say:
Nothing.
I can send you a video to prove it.

You know what would be on the video?
Nothing.
No big ideas.

No socializing.

No sex.

I don't own a television.

So when I am doing nothing, it really is nothing.

Oh, occasionally I look at stuff on youtube, but what I watch is essentially nothing, totally void of real content.
It's like my brain except fancier.

I know there is a big political campaign going on, but politics are gay.
I don't really care.
You know what a new president will do for this world?
Nothing.

Holy shit.
That means I could be President.

If I were president I would make press conferences interesting so they would get posted on youtube and tons of people would watch them and all the posts would get five stars.

"Mr. President, what is your first order of business?" To masturbate in the oval office, then I am going to dry hump the oval desk. Next question.
"Thank you, Mr. President. I don't really have a question. I just want you to know that the desk in the oval office is actually more rectangle in shape." So is your mom's vagina. Next question."
"Mr. President, what will be your biggest challenge over the next four years?" I would say not going number two in my pants. Oops, too late.

By the way, I will be in Erie Pennsylvania on Friday and Huntington, West Virginia on Saturday for the Bob and Tom Tour.

Bob and Tom Tour
Sept 27 2008 i did the bob and tom tour this weekend.
who was on the tour with me?

paul mecurio, dwayne perkins, greg warren and drew hastings. bob zany was there too. He was hawking product in the lobby when the above pic was taken.

George Carlin, 4th Lateshow, Gotham Comedy Club
July 31 2008
What has been going on? Plenty. Why didn’t I blog sooner? Tired, apathetic, distracted. (I found out they have pictures of naked women on the internet.)

George Carlin died. It sucks, because he was so goddamn good at stand up. I got to work with him a couple of times.
He was nice and honest and funny and still working his ass off to get better. It was inspiring to watch him.

I did the Late Show with David Letterman for the fourth time. It went very well. I’m with the makeup and hair people on the show, who are incredibly cool.

Michelle Nick and John

You heard me right. I am wearing makeup.

I did The Great American Comedy Festival in Norfolk, Nebraska. Got to see some great comics. Jim McDonald. Joe DeRosa. James Smith. Deacon Gray. Jeff Caldwell.

I got to meet Dick Cavett and Robert Klein.

What else? Same old stuff.
Drinking coffee.
Writing jokes.
Doing stand up.
Feeling uncomfortable.
Sneaking cigs.

I have nothing to complain about. I do anyway though.

I’ll be at The Gotham Comedy Club this week, then Zanies in Chicago, then other places where they serve beer and serve jalapeno poppers. Hope you are well. If not, there are beers and various drugs, prescription and otherwise, to give you some other options.

Much Luck, Nick

NICK'S CAM

New CD "Bring Out The Monkey"

News Flash

Somewhere in America

Driving

1100 Bad Cups of Coffee

Working the New Material

The Splendor of Backstage

Tahoe

Grand Rapids